so instead i’m up, drinking alone, talking mad shit on the dumb posts people make on facebook and probably pissing everyone off… as if i care at this point..not to get all maudlin (while getting all maudlin,) but today i realized noone is ever really going to know or understand me. nobody here anyhow. and i don’t want them to. i just want nick back. i want his energy around me again. i just want to be on my back patio again smoking bowls then watching adult swim… i miss his wit and humor and i miss the way he appreciated my wit and humor. it’s not narcissism. it’s me realizing how fortunate i was to have had such a connection. and a platonic one at that. a real friendship. to me, humor is a big part of how i express myself and how my mind works. i don’t need someone to laugh at everything i say, that would actually be pretty strange. but i find myself giving myself points for certain quips i find clever. if i can’t make someone laugh it just kind of puts me off. i don’t know why it’s suddenly such an important thing to me.. i guess the way i see it, if you don’t appreciate the way i joke around, then you don’t appreciate me. nick appreciated me. “a once in a lifetime buddy” -that bald kid from the little rascals movie… stimey?? ha, THROWback! it is technically throwback thursday… but instead of a picture i’m switching it up. i need to refrain from accessing any type of social media sites while drunk/sleep deprived/ i don’t give a fuck-itis. i might not have been able to explain myself the way i intended but i still know what i was saying. i’m okay with that.
i dont know why, but it is now 10 to 3AM…. and i have no idea what i’m doing. i need to focus and stop acting like i don’t have papers to write.
so in the interest of getting some rest to be a better student, i’m going to burn a couple bowls. in the name of education.