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That Girl is a Poison Cunt.

she was was nothing more than a liar and waste of time and emotion. i don’t understand how someone could go from one extreme of claiming to love me more than anything to acting as though i never existed. or why they would bother playing pretend with me in the first place. i’m tired of sharing myself with people only for it to have been in vain and to be forgotten in the end — wasting myself. i’m a chump for falling so easily and trying so hard.

countless times i swallowed my pride and  tolerated all of her bullshit, foolishly thinking things would change or we would somehow work out. that was not the case, nothing came out of it. i shouldn’t have allowed myself to ignore all of the red flags, instead i wanted to believe i found someone special and that i was loveable. i wanted to believe her words when she told me there was nobody else.  i hope one day she gets a taste of her own medicine. i hope  someone even more screwed up comes along, makes her fall for them, showers her with lies, puts her through the emotional ringer, then erases her from their life. don’t just taste the medicine, fucking choke on it. and with your last attempt to draw breath the only words that fill your mind are, “i deserve this.” 

— 2 hours ago
#exes  #fuck that bitch 
about 2 weeks until the semester ends, but do I think i’m really going to get any work done on your papers this 4/20? 

about 2 weeks until the semester ends, but do I think i’m really going to get any work done on your papers this 4/20? 

— 8 hours ago
#down to the wire  #sick of school  #spring fever  #420  #no concentration  #papers to write  #AAAGH! 
night number 2 that i can’t sleep. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

so instead i’m up, drinking alone, talking mad shit on the dumb posts people make on facebook and probably pissing everyone off… as if i care at this point..not to get all maudlin (while getting all maudlin,) but today i realized  noone is ever really going to know or understand me. nobody here anyhow.  and i don’t want them to.  i just want nick back. i want his energy around me again. i just want to be on my back patio again smoking bowls then watching adult swim… i miss his wit and humor and i miss the way he appreciated my wit and humor. it’s not narcissism. it’s me realizing how fortunate i was to have had such a connection. and a platonic one at that. a real friendship. to me, humor is a big part of how i express myself and how my mind works. i don’t need someone to laugh at everything i say, that would actually be pretty strange. but i find myself giving myself points for certain quips i find clever. if i can’t make someone laugh it just kind of puts me off. i don’t know why it’s suddenly such an important thing to me.. i guess the way i see it, if you don’t appreciate the way i joke around, then you don’t appreciate me.  nick appreciated me. “a once in a lifetime buddy” -that bald kid from the little rascals movie… stimey?? ha, THROWback! it is technically throwback thursday… but instead of a picture i’m switching it up. i need to refrain from accessing any type of social media sites while drunk/sleep deprived/ i don’t give a fuck-itis. i might not have been able to explain myself the way i intended but i still know what i was saying. i’m okay with that.

i dont know why, but it is now 10 to 3AM…. and i have no idea what i’m doing. i need to focus and stop acting like i don’t have papers to write. 

so in the interest of getting some rest to be a better student, i’m going to burn a couple bowls.  in the name of education.

— 1 day ago
#i want to kick my own ass  #weird  #personal  #drumbling  #drunk tumbling  #let's burn  #r.i.p nick 
everyone is so guarded and jaded, it’s hard to get to know someone.

forever-authentic:

Do you ever just want to be close to someone but you don’t know how to get them to feel the same way. You also don’t know if they even want to be friends with you. You don’t just want to say “hey, i would really enjoy if we were closer, because i think you’re just lovely, and we would be lovely as friends.” Ugh

— 3 days ago with 13 notes
#lonely  #disconnected 

sometimes you’ve got to regulate. 

(Source: tvcm, via bastardblaster)

— 3 days ago with 17488 notes
#Mighty Morphin Power Rangers  #green ranger